Sitting at home on our couch has become the norm in my family. We watch shows, eat, sleep, and play games on the sofa. When Hamilton came on Disney+, we were excited about something new--a small change. I did not know how much I would learn about myself while watching this Broadway show. As we watched, I soaked in every moment. I love musicals, and my secret dream is to be a rapper. I was entranced by the boldness of Alexander Hamilton and perplexed by Aaron Burr.
Hamilton spoke about what he believed in with no restraint. Burr said, “Talk less. Smile more. Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for.” Wanting to be like Hamilton, I realized that I had been a Burr my entire life. I have said what people wanted because I didn’t want to end up “dead.” I have always attempted to read people and say what they wanted to hear while never sharing my voice.
“If you stand for nothing, what’ll you fall for?” Alexander Hamilton
I have strived to be politically correct because I didn’t want to deal with conflict. Sharing my mind was done in the most calculated way: trying not to step on family members’ toes because, well, they are family. I would allow myself to live in unspoken frustration because I didn’t want a friend to be upset. I have realized that I have stood for nothing, just living through another day, and not living in the days passed. My biggest hurdle has been my faith.
Not speaking my mind became my norm. I believed others would view God in a negative light if they disagreed with me. I did not realize that the core of what I believe is based on His Word and to speak His truth was the only way.
“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.”
2 Timothy 2:15
I have been ashamed of myself for staying quiet, for not standing for my beliefs, and avoiding conflict at all costs. If I am passive, how will my son know to stand up for what is right? What good would come from a world that had inhabitants that only protected themselves?
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”
1 Corinthians 13: 4-6
I want to be a person who loves. I want other humans to see God through me. I want to represent God in a way that brings honor, not shame. So as I ponder what I should and shouldn’t say, I realize the most crucial step is HOW it should be said.
“Kind words are like honey—
sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”
I realize that my beliefs can be shared with someone kindly, even if they disagree. I cannot force anyone to see what I see, agree with me, or hear the tone in my voice as I write. It should also be noted that as I write this, I am calm, full of peace, and wanting to share my truth.
Since most of you won’t have a clue who I am, I would like to share. I pray that as I share my experiences, your heart and mind would become more open to the people around you. I pray for a perspective change. I pray that even if you disagree with my lifestyle or choices, that your world view would expand.
My name is Heather Driggers, I am in my early 30's and I believe that Jesus Christ is the Lord of the Universe. He came to Earth, lived 33 years, and died a horrible death. Three days after His death, He was raised to life from the grave, concurring all sin--past, present, and future. I believe that God loves His creation and that all people are His creations, but only those who know Him personally are His children. I make this point because I do not hold people who do not know Him to the same standard as one who does.
I believe that all people are created equal and that the sin which infects our world has broken our ability to see that value. I believe that Eve was a black woman, not white or Caucasian, like the images we see all over the Christian world. I believe that God proudly made people of all skin colors, body type, and nationality. I believe each person that chooses to follow Christ has to be willing to lay every part of themselves before the Lord. We need to allow Him to make the changes that need to happen. As a woman born attracted to both sexes, I needed to ask God what He wanted. Part of my journey was laying my sexuality before God and asking Him what He wanted. As I prayed, sought God, and read scripture, it was evident that I had a thorn in my side--as Paul would call it.
“8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12: 7-10
Knowing God doesn't mean living your life and fitting Him into it, then justifying your life and behavior. It is asking Him how life should be lived, who we should be with, and what we should do. I have lived my life asking God where I should go, who I should love, and how I should act. I haven't always listened and been obedient, but I've realized that I've had to live my life and live by what I stand for.
I believe in the God of the Universe and His Word. He does hold me accountable for my actions and thoughts. When He said “no” to same-sex relationships, I trusted Him and what He wants. He gave me a choice between Him or who I thought I was meant to be. I have questioned God before, but I know He is wiser, smarter, and more knowledgeable than I will ever be. So I laid down part of myself and asked Him to reshape it to make it like Him, and He did.
I have struggled to share what He has done because I didn't want to hear the hate of the people around me. I know I can't explain why life has happened the way that it has. I can’t explain why God has allowed some things to happen and others to be stopped, but I know that He is the God of Love. I know that He loves you and me. God created the world as a perfect place for His people, and those people broke His Trust. It's in our genetics to sin and to be broken because we were birthed from people who became broken; it became part of who they were. I believe we live in a world that is broken, and broken things will always happen until Jesus returns. I don't try to explain the bad. I just understand that it resides in the world and that for me to survive, I need to know the God who is good. I know that might not be enough for some people, but for me and through all my searching, it's more than enough.
Without God, I wouldn't be alive. I would have committed suicide years ago, completely giving up on life. God has healed me from my anxiety, depression, and confusion about the world. He has set me free. But, it has taken a willingness from my heart to say, “God search me and know me, take out anything in me that does not belong to You.”
"23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
I have an understanding that God is Holy, and I need Jesus to represent me before God so that I can be in His Holy presence. Because without Jesus, God's Holiness is destructive--not because it is bad, but because it is so good that the bad that is in me could not withstand His Holiness. Being attracted to the same sex wasn't a choice, but giving it to God was. He called me to be His, to dwell in His glory, and that part of myself needed to be surrendered. God loves me fully, but He needed me to choose Him over myself. I share this part of myself because I have been ashamed to tell others. I have been afraid of the hate, but I am not scared. I have chosen to follow God and all that goes along with it. Even giving Him my sexuality and saying, ”Change me for your glory.”
Hamilton has taught me that I need to stand for what I believe. I need to speak out about who God is and what He has done. There is so much more I want to share right now, but today I will end here. I'm the Daughter of the Most High King. I believe in a God who stands for His people. That means any person, any race, skin color, and any age. He does not have the same values as we do. He is not held to a political party. God is NOT Republican or Democrat. He is God and He's above our systems. I believe our society and our churches have put God into a box to fit what they want and for personal gain. But God will not be manipulated by men.
We do not get to judge where other people are because we do not know their hearts, but we judge based on action and speech. However, remember others hearts are hidden from you, their confusion is hidden from you, and their brokenness is hidden from you. Their victories are hidden from you. So as I go forward with this website, this ministry, and this blog, I'm going to share what I believe. I will share the scripture that goes along with it and I will spend time in prayer, making sure that I'm following what God wants.
No longer do I want to stay quiet. I want to write like I am running out of time.
”I am not throwing away my shot!” Hamilton
Founder and Director of Beauty Beyond Eden
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